Pity the Fool: Me.

Exactly how bad was The A Team? About an hour in, I updated my Facebook status via cell phone to: "Watching A Team. I demand a refund for everyone in the theater." The best comment in reply? From my friend Caprice: "Pity the fool who sees the A Team." So, pity me.

I'll admit it: I actually WANTED to see The A Team. I liked the TV show... So what if I was 10 years old at the time, it seemed good enough to me! And that Mr. T was sooooo righteously cool! The actors in this flick are pretty legit, right? Liam Neeson is an excellent actor, and Bradley Cooper isn't hard to look at, so how could this movie go wrong?!

Well, it only took about 30 minutes for me to realize that it sucked. I knew it wasn't going to be Oscar-worthy, of course, but I thought it would entertain nonetheless. The storyline was terr. ib. le. It would have made for a great hour-long episode on the series, because that's about as much time that's necessary for the whole plot to unfold. The other hour is dedicated to explosions.

Afterward, I thought, hmmm, maybe I’m being too judgemental. My opinion was totally validated when my ex (who’s a testosterone-laden military guy) agreed that the A Team should’ve stayed itself in the 80′s, when it was "totally rad" (to quote ten year old me). I felt doubly validated when my 14 year old son declared, “That movie was awesome!” Why? He was entirely down with that hour of explosions. I agree with him in that respect - they were pretty impressive. Whoever did the pyrotechnics should get some type of award (although I suspect he was greatly rewarded in overtime pay already). Also, there's one completely comical scene in which they attempt to fly a tank. Totally unrealistic in every aspect, but still pretty darn entertaining. Everything else about the movie, however, sucked.

Do yourself a favor: If you really want to see The A Team, buy The A-Team: The Complete Series on DVD instead. It's about one million times better than the monstrosity currently in theaters. Watch Liam Neeson in Rob Roy, Bradley Cooper in
The Hangover, Sharlto Copley in District 9, and Rampage in NOTHING. Watch Mr. T in Rocky III instead. Fo' realz.

And you're welcome for saving you the $50 you would have spent on admission and popcorn. I think you owe me now. I'll accept a beer next time we hang out. Gratitude beer? Nah, pity beer.